Between the Denominations

This evening I went to church with my family at the Mennonite Brethren church I attended for many years. It was a very strange feeling, sitting down before the service. They have recently renovated the sanctuary and it is not entirely complete, but it now has comfier, theatre seats, and the large baptismal tank is no longer there. Further, there is no cross or any other religious imagery. In effect, it has the look of an auditorium. The other part that felt strange was the lack of liturgy. I have become so used to a liturgical setting and bad music that when presented with no liturgy and good music I feel out of place.

I think what I find strangest, though, is that in some ways I have no home in any church anymore. For years I attended this church and loved it and that was my home. When anyone told me it didn't feel like church, I didn't understand what they meant. And the I began attending Mass and later became Catholic, but on some level I still pine for the challenging sermons and the passionate music that I remember (and indeed enjoyed, this evening). And so I do not feel entirely at home there because I feel unchallenged and there is a bit less of an emphasis on challenging people. Perhaps the term I am looking for is "comfortable". Now, certainly not all priests keep to safe and comfortable approaches, but more than not, I find, do.

I wonder if I will ever find a home in a church again, or if I am meant to always feel this sense of isolation or diaspora (but if diaspora, to what?).